Mom of 2

Someone asked me on FB the other day if I had any words of wisdom being a mom of 2. I thought I could put together some thoughts on what worked well for us preparing Steven for the arrival of Logan and also what's been working since he's been here. There's a ton of good articles online about how to prepare for a sibling and how to stay sane with a newborn and a toddler. I read a few of those so most of this is advice we liked from various articles (like this one or this one) and in talking to other people who have multiple kiddos.

Preparation:
(What we did to prepare Steven for the arrival of his sibling)

We had to do the transition to the big boy bed so that Logan could have the nursery when he was born. We did this several months in advance (like 5 months) so that Steven wouldn't feel like he was losing his old room but gaining a much cooler new room. We involved Steven in decorating his room and got him really excited about it and I think all of that really helped with this transition. We also talked a lot about being a "big boy" and sleeping in his "big boy bed" etc. Those were all good things too I think.

To prepare for the baby, we read several books with Steven about getting a sibling and I think that really helped solidify it for him. Some books I would recommend (they had big sister versions too):
The New Baby by Mercer Mayer
Just Me and My Little Brother by Mercer Mayer
I'm a Big Brother by Joanna Cole

We talked with him a lot about what will happen when the baby comes and that he will still be "special" to us and we will love him just as much. We also talked a lot about being a "big boy". What big boys get to do that babies don't get to do, etc. He seemed to really like that idea because he repeated often, "I'm not the baby, I'm the big boy."

Before Logan was born Steven was a bit of a momma's boy, preferring me to put him to bed, carry him around, etc. We really wanted to try to break him of some of this before the baby came because obviously he would have to rely on Daddy more as I would be nursing Logan and we didn't want to have to do that transition at the same time. So we worked on strengthening the relationship between Steven and Daddy months ahead of time. Steve took Steven to several outings (Magic House, Zoo, Park, etc.) by themselves and I think that really helped and they had a great time (and I got a nap;). Steve also started putting Steven to bed and at first that was difficult, but in the end I think that really helped to strengthen their bond.

I also read online to get the baby's stuff (swing, car seat, diapers, etc) out before he is born so the sibling can inspect it all and get the curiosity out of their system before you actually need to use it. Also, since its mostly hand me downs we had to talk with Steven about how he was done with his baby things and now Logan was going to use them. And big boys don't need diapers, baby swings, etc.

Before the baby was born I did some things to prepare our family for after the baby was here/newborn stage such as deep clean, make and freeze easy meals (by making double meals when I cooked mostly), preparing easy crock pot meals to freeze, setting up a plan for how to take care of Steven while we were in the hospital, etc. I also made a few "bins" for Steven and daddy to play with while I was nursing. They had some random toys (mostly from the dollar store) and ideas for crafts and activities to keep them busy. I also made a sensory bin from macaroni noodles and random little things I found around the house. That's been a big hit. Another thing we did was to schedule some one-on-one time for Steven right after the baby was born. We signed Steven and daddy up for truck day at the Magic House so they would have something special to go to and also for soccer. Just so he would have some special one-on-one time with us so he didn't feel like he was losing our attention or replaced or whatever.


Transition:
(Some things we found helpful when the baby was born to help Steven adjust)

When the grandparents brought Steven up to the hospital we had a few little presents for him so he wouldn't feel like he wasn't getting any attention. We also had bought a baby doll for him previously so he had a "baby" to take care of too. And we had him pick out a present to give to the baby ahead of time and let him give it to the baby at that time. I had read online to have someone else holding the baby when big brother shows up but I don't know if that really mattered because he ran right by me to see the baby. Lol

Steven is a typical (I hope) 2 year old boy who likes to run around, wrestle and generally be rough. So we did a lot of talking about being gentle with the baby and practicing gentle touches, etc. I found its not really helpful to say "No, don't do that" but instead to tell Steven what he can do with the baby. For example I could tell him that he can touch the baby's hands and feet instead just of telling him not to touch his head.

Having a newborn and a toddler is really a delicate balance. We wanted Steven to love his brother and were really happy that he was so "into" the baby. But at the same time he was also a little too rough and was in the baby's face sometimes, or waking him up when he was sleeping. We didn't want to discourage Steven's interest all together or make him resent the baby so some good advice I got from my mother in law (who has 5 kids) was to give him a job to do. Have him go get you something for the baby, have him sing a song to the baby. Basically have him help in a way that is age appropriate (even if you don't need the help). This has really worked out great for us and you can totally see Steven's face beaming when you tell him he's helped his brother.

Speaking of sibling bonding, Steve and I both really thought this was a good article about how to foster that relationship. We try to do a lot of the things that article suggests.

That's all I can really think of at this time. I'm sure we will continue to learn a ton as it goes on but those are some tips I can share right now.